BizwareMagic's Funny Quotes
Top 14 Funny Quotes & More...
Category: Funny
You come from dust, you will return to dust.
That's why I don't dust. It could be someone
I know.
Category: Funny
"Being popular on Facebook is like sitting
at the cool table in the cafeteria of a mental
hospital. "
Category: Funny
"One minute you're young and fun. And the next,
you're turning down the stereo in your car to
see better."
Category: Funny
"One day, you will be able to tell your grandkids,
"I survived the Great Toilet Paper Shortage of 2020.
Category: Funny
There's nothing scarier than that split second
when you lose your balance in the shower and you
think "THEY ARE GOING TO FIND ME NAKED."
Category: Funny
"You're not fat, you're just... easier to see."
Category: Funny
"Not in jail, not in a mental hospital,
not in a grave - I say I'm having a very
good day."
Category: Funny
"Never miss a good chance to shut up." ~ Will Rogers.
Category: Funny
"A person with a sharp tongue will eventually
cut themselves." ~ J. Robson Koenig.
Category: Funny
"I started out with nothing... I still have most of it."
Category: Funny
"This 'killing them with kindness' is
taking way longer than I expected."
Category: Funny
"The quickest way to double your money is to
fold it over and put it back in your pocket."
~ Will Rogers.
Category: Funny
"The problem with stealing quotes off the
Internet is you never know if they are genuine."
~ Abraham Lincoln.
Category: Funny
"Not my circus, not my monkeys. But the clowns definitely know me."
Here are a few more funny quotes that should
put a smile on your face:
Want to know what God thinks of money? Look at the people he gave it to. ~ Dorothy Parker
They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning. ~ Clint Eastwood
He was so narrow-minded, he could see through a keyhole with both eyes. ~ Molly Ivins
Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth, and you should save it for someone you love. ~ Butch Hanco*ck
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know. ~ Abraham Lincoln
I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. ~ Demetri Martin
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain. ~ Anonymous
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours. ~ Yogi Berra
It isn't the ups and downs that make life difficult; it's the jerks. ~ Charlie Chaplin
I have often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming. ~ Jimmy Carter
I'd like to live like a poor man - only with lots of money. ~ Pablo Picasso
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. I'm beginning to believe it. ~ Clarence Darrow
The Dragonfly Laugh Challenge.
Do You Have A Funny Bone? Find Out By Taking The Dragonfly Laugh Challenge.
See how many of these funny quotes/jokes/puns you can read WITHOUT laughing.
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Top 14 Funny Quotes. Here are some more favorite funny sayings. Please note, quotes have been vetted, but some attributions may be wrong or hard to determine who said them.
Life is too important to take seriously. ~ Oscar Wilde
Winning is habit. Unfortunately, so is losing. ~ Vince Lombardi.
Pro is to con as progress is to Congress.
If you understand what you're doing, you're not learning anything. ~ Abraham Lincoln
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
I didn't know it was impossible when I did it.
The only really decent thing to do behind a person's back is pat it.
Furious activity is no substitute for understanding. ~ H. H. Williams
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
One way to stop a runaway horse is to bet on him.
Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance? ~ Edgar Bergen
Always live within your income, even if you have to borrow money to do so. ~ Josh Billing
You cannot kill time without injuring eternity. ~ Henry David Thoreau
More Popular BizwareMagic Quotes:
- 1. Inspirational Quotes
- 2. Achievement Quotes
- 3. Endurance Quotes
- 4. Business Quotes
- 5. Quotable Quotes
For More Funny Quotes Pinterest Funny Quotes
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